MEDITATION 85

A Happy New Year to you.

We always wish each other a Happy New Year imagining or rather hoping that the whole year will be bright and cheerful. I sincerely hope it is for you. January is never bright and cheerful unless you live in the Southern Hemisphere. Well it might be if there is January snow and winter sunshine here!

However, currently the weather is dark, dreary and rain abounds. My candle provides a welcome echo of Christmas cheer as I gaze at it. A sleigh comes into my mind, hurtling through the snow; a huge Christmas tree with lots of brightly wrapped gifts at its feet; children playing excitedly in a warmly lit parlour on Christmas Eve; and a glittering Palace with shimmering walls of sugar.

You might be thinking I am recalling scenes from Christmas cards I have received, or perhaps looking at them for one last time before discarding them. Actually I am remembering the Royal Ballet’s production of ‘The Nutcracker’ which I saw just before Christmas at the Royal Opera House with my friend Anna and her two daughters.

It was a really beautiful production and delightfully old fashioned in its staging, with scenery flying in and out and a magical transformation scene (as the Christmas tree and gifts suddenly grow larger and larger) all timed immaculately to Tchaikovsky’s score. My two little companions had already seen the musical ‘Frozen’, which obviously has a high tech staging but they were just as entranced by ‘The Nutcracker’ and told me so!  The ballet was as high-tech, of course, but in an old fashioned way. I suppose I can best describe it as the illustrations from a fairy tale book brought to life.

Though the ballet is based on a novella by the German Gothic fantasy writer E.T.A. Hoffman (1776 -1822), the production, set in the early 1800’s, has a decidedly Russian ambiance. The ambiance is not only provided by Tchaikovsky’s music but also by the set and costume designs: the snow fairies are presented as Christmas tree Angels in voluminous dresses like Russian dolls for example.

So the production, along with music and the ballet itself (which originated in St Petersburg in 1892) could be viewed as a celebration of Russian culture. This is therefore quite timely as our Western view of Russia at the moment is considerably negative because of the invasion of Ukraine. It is a reminder that there is more to Russia than Mr Putin’s bellicose oppressive regime.

I was actually reminded of the war in Ukraine by a scene in Act 1 where the parlour is invaded by the Mouse King and his army of mice. They are defeated by the now life size Nutcracker Prince and his own forces of dolls. Ukraine is never very far from our thoughts at present.

Tchaikovsky’s music is of course one of Russia’s main cultural exports to the world. I wonder how Mr Putin and his government square their anti-gay agenda with celebrating and promoting one of their greatest composers and cultural assets, who was himself homosexual (and who suffered a life of turmoil because of it).

Music is of course international, indeed universal, and to some extent above the changing tides of political events. Tchaikovsky’s music (and the great Russian ballets) have kept their international reputation and have remained admired and loved the world over despite the 1917 Russian revolution and the Soviet empire which followed it, two world wars, and the Soviet Empire’s disintegration in the 1990’s. They will maintain their preeminence long after Mr Putin has gone, I am sure.

Although high culture is in a sense above the ebb and flow of political events, even if certain works of art are an expression of or reaction to political events, yet culture can be appropriated by governments for their own ends, especially propaganda. Quite recently there has been much discussion about the harmful effects of cancel culture. We must also be wary of those who contort culture for their own ends.

Apparently, the Russian government have placed scenes from the Russian film version of Tolstoy’s epic novel ‘War and Peace’ on YouTube as flag waving propaganda. Needless to say the scenes they have chosen are the battle scenes. This truly remarkable film is one of the best adaptations of a novel that I have ever seen. The director, Sergei Bondarchuk, not only directed the film, but also adapted Tolstoy’s epic novel himself and played Pierre, one of the central characters. The filming took nearly six years to complete and it won the 1968 Oscar for Best Foreign Language Film. As regards using the cinema form to tell as story it is on a par with Orson Welles’ ‘Citizen Kane’, in my opinion. Moreover it is one of my favourite films and has stayed with me since I first saw it in two parts (dubbed into American accents) at the Odeon in Middlesbrough when I was a callow sixth former. Dear me, this film deserves a meditation to itself! 

The film had the backing of the Soviet regime of the time especially as there had been an American version (1956) which was unsatisfactory. So Bondarchuk had the use of the Red Army in the battle scenes (which are still stunning and superior to CGI). The novel deals with Russia’s attempt to defeat Napoleon, along with Austrian forces in 1805 and later Napoleon’s invasion of Russia itself in 1812 and how it affects the three main families of characters. It describes in detail Russia’s defeat at the Battle of Borodino which led to the burning of Moscow as Napoleon advanced.

As with the novel, the film shows the importance of the individual soldiers of whatever rank working together against the enemy. Being a Soviet film this is emphasised in the battle scenes, although this angle is there in the novel. These are the scenes which are appearing on YouTube no doubt.

However, this Russian propaganda exercise is highly ironic as the scenes depict the soldiers fighting against an invasion by Napoleon’s forces. Russian forces are the invaders against Ukraine after all.

Also in his novel Tolstoy writes at length about the futility of war and questions why nations have to attack each other instead of living in peace. He argues that if every soldier laid down his arms against the commands from his superiors there would be no battle. As a young man he was an officer himself in the Crimean War. This led to his ideas on Pacifism ultimately.  Some of Tolstoy’s philosophical comments are included in the film via a narrator. In the novel, he comments on the personality of Napoleon at length. It is not a flattering portrait as might be imagined. He sees all the destruction Napoleon causes to achieve and maintain his ‘greatness’ and reflects that:

‘There is no greatness where there is no simplicity, goodness and truth.’ 

Something Mr Putin would do well to reflect upon.

Ave atque Vale – until the next blog.

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Neilus Aurelius

MEDITATION 63

As I sit here gazing at the candle beside my tablet, I am recalling a different light, or rather lights from a visit I made last week. They were not candles but little electric lights and they were glimmering in trees in a park  on a balmy eveningas darkness was slowly descending. The park was situated in Chichester, where a friend and myself had made a return visit after a rather rainy one last autumn. I noticed the lights when we came out of the Festival Theatre after a performance of a new production of the Rodgers and Hammerstein musical, ‘South Pacific’. Just as the lights were glowing on the branches, so we were glowing too after a wonderful and rather emotional performance. 

To my shame, I have never visited the Festival Theatre at Chichester before. It is one of the items on my retirement bucket list. I guess I can cross that one off now! My friend and I seemed to have fallen in love with the town and its environs on our visit last October so we decided to have an overnight stay as well as visiting the theatre. It was an opportunity to revisit the Cathedral and its beautiful gardens among other places. 

What could be better than a big musical with big tunes for a first live theatre outing after the asperity of the last eighteen months? The performance was quite an emotional occasion precisely because it was our first live theatre outing since lockdown. It was probably the same for most of the audience. Because of this, I sensed that the emotional moments in the show were somehow heightened, more potent than they might have been  in a performance under more usual circumstances. 

I knew the songs but had never seen ‘South Pacific’ live before. It was a highly imaginative and at times beautiful production, by artistic director Daniel Evans, with wonderful singing and dance numbers. It was one of those productions that never puts a foot wrong from curtain up to curtain call. 

I must admit to being a little uneasy when I entered the theatre. As with everything else at present, there were rules to follow about moving around in the building. Also, as I mentioned earlier, I have never been in Festival theatre before. Activities I usually never think twice about, such as walking into a restaurant or catching a train have become a little complicated because of the restrictions, hence my unease. However, the front of house staff were very welcoming and helpful and once I was in my seat, I felt at home (as I always do in a theatre). 

I was also a little apprehensive about how the performance would be received. After all the theatre was half-full because of social distancing and we were all wearing masks in the audience. Would the performers be able to achieve a rapport with the audience? Would the audience feel restricted in their response because of their masks. As soon as the orchestra struck up and the lights went up on that stage, I forgot all that. Mr Rodgers and Mr Hammerstein began to weave their spell. More than that, jaded theatre-goer that I am, I felt a visceral excitement as if I’d never seen a theatre performance before. This excitement seemed to pervade the auditorium. There was an eagerness to be entertained, no, more than that, a hunger. 

In the end, the fact that the audience were socially distanced and masked didn’t matter. We were totally with the show. The silence and attentiveness of the audience were palpable. The final applause was genuine, heartwarming – an act of love from us to the company. I suppose we were so acutely aware that we were so fortunate to be able to experience a big live show in these times. I think we also appreciated just how difficult rehearsals must have been, judging from the rehearsal photos in the programme with everyone in masks and visors, and not to mention the endless testing of such a large cast and necessary absences that must have taken place, which has been true of all work places. We were applauding to show our appreciation of not just the performance, but of the company’s struggle to get it on the stage. 

I remember that in one of my early blogs, I mentioned seeing performances of Wagner’s epic ‘Ring’ cycle of four operas at the Royal Opera House. This would have been in autumn 2018, I think. In that meditation, I mentioned that just as the evil Alberich and his brother Mime forge the Ring on stage, that a ring was also forged between the performers and the audience over the four operas. The mark of a successful performance is when the performers and audience become an invisible and indivisible ring or circle. It may not happen for the whole performance but when it does happen, those moments are magical. That was true of the performance of ‘South Pacific’ which I experienced last Friday. The experience was doubly magical because the ring or circle was somehow created in the midst of our common adversity. Theatre is at its most sublime when it renews the audience and the cast too, hopefully. The performance I saw was an act of renewal for all of us who saw it or performed it. It has reminded me of just how important theatre is. It is a crying shame that our present government fails to see this.

The auditorium of the Festival Theatre is based on the shape of the Ancient Greek and Roman amphitheatres, with the audience as two thirds of the circle and the stage completing it. Therefore, the configuration of the auditorium no doubt helped the company to achieve that magic circle with the audience. 

I mentioned earlier that I hadn’t been there before. However I have been to its successor many times –  the Olivier Theatre on London’s South Bank. Its auditorium is based on the Chichester one. Initially Laurence Olivier was involved in establishing the Festival Theatre which opened in 1962 and, together with complementary performances at the Old Vic theatre in London, it was the genesis of the National Theatre. When the National Theatre finally developed its  home on the South Bank, one of the three auditoriums, the Olivier, was given a similar design to the Festival Theatre.  

I have also been to the Festival Theatre’s predecessor several times. The design of the Festival Theatre auditorium, in turn, was based on the Festival Theatre at Stratford, Ontario in Canada. They have an annual Shakespeare Festival there, which I attended several times in the early 1990’s. 

I was thinking of those two theatres, the Olivier, on London’s South Bank and the one at Stratford, Ontario, while I sat waiting for the performance of ‘South Pacific’ to begin at Chichester. Here I was, sitting at last in the third of the trio, the Festival Theatre in Chichester, or rather the middle one as regards their opening.    

How many theatres have I attended in my life? How many magic circles have I been part of? Not in every theatre or every performance I attended. But when it happens, you know you have experienced something special.  How many productions have I directed or appeared in that have succeeded in achieving that circle with an audience? Again, not every one.  But when it happens, you know you have been part of something special. It is nothing to do with the price of the ticket or with your hard work as director or performer. 

And it is not guaranteed in every performance. It just happens. It is magic, the circle is magic. A magic which streaming at home cannot provide. 

I am looking forward to being part of that magic again in the future. Certainly as an audience member. Perhaps as an actor or director – who knows?

Ave atque Vale – Hail and Farewell – until the next blog!

 If you are enjoying my blog, and have not already done so, please sign up below to receive notification of each new blog by e mail. Just add your e mail to Follow’ as it pops up.

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Many thanks

Neilus Aurelius

MEDITATION 55

May I first mention, dear reader, two mistakes, in the last two meditations, which a couple of friends have very kindly pointed out to me. In Meditation 53, ‘I pad’ should read ‘iPad’ and in Mediation 54, ‘fit of peak’ should read ‘fit of pique.’ I stand corrected.   

Sitting here as usual beside my candle I am thinking back to a year ago, March 9th 2020, which was the last time I visited a theatre. It was the Royal Opera House, where I attended a performance of Beethoven’s only opera, ‘Fidelio.’ How was I to know then that I wouldn’t be visiting a theatre with friends again for some time in the future? Also how was I to foresee that eating a meal with friends in a restaurant would be a rare experience indeed over the months that followed? Then a few weeks later, we were in total lockdown and here we are now, still locked down a year later, despite a few months of respite here and there.

Beethoven’s opera is a very moving plea for political freedom. A political prisoner, Florestan, is unjustly imprisoned and about to be executed but he is saved by his faithful wife, Leonora, the ‘Fidelio’ of the title. Little did I know when watching the opera and being transported by Beethoven’s rapturous music, that we would be in a kind of imprisonment ourselves a few week’s later – but in a just cause.

Marcus’ stoicism has certainly been stretched to the limit within me in the last twelve months. He writes, ‘You have the power over your mind – not outside events. Realise this and you will have strength.’ This is true of course, but difficult when my iPhone wants to have power over my mind all the time and it is very difficult to have the strength to resist that insistent mistress, the iPhone!  He also advocates, ‘Confine yourself to the present.’ This has been most useful over these last months. Concentrating on and enjoying the present moment has helped me get through, as have family and friends, my dear friends. St Thomas Aquinas, the medieval theologian observes that ‘There is nothing on the earth to be prized more than friendship.’ How right he is.  

Where are we now, a year on? From the friends I have shared with, it seems we are all exhausted and burnt out with living on adrenalin as much as coping with the changing restrictions. We are like an old clock that has slowly wound down. And, much as it has been a comfort and support, our eyes and our brains are exhausted with technology, at least, mine are. I am streamed away and zoomed out, exhausted by a plethora of media platforms and endless choices for digital entertainment. I feel as if I am like a little over-tired child, unable to settle to anything yet refusing to give in and rest. Rest is what we will need when all this is over. 

In the last few days I have been in my garden inspecting my plants. When the weather is cold and rainy and especially when the sky is overcast or just dull and dismal with no sign of the sun, it is easy to forget that signs of Spring have appeared. Buds have emerged on my magnolia and apple trees and on my pink camellia shrub, the first slithers of pink are just appearing in the buds. My daffodils and alliums have also made an appearance, though they are not yet in bloom. Similarly there are new vivid red and green shoots on my rose bushes.

I think it is the same with our current situation: our eyes are dulled to the signs of hope (such as the vaccine) by the monotony of these months. We have been locked down into winter and probably have never felt winter so keenly or heavily. Though we have been overstimulated as usual by streaming and media platforms, these haven’t been enough to alleviate the weight of this winter. Usually perhaps we would get through winter by being overstimulated in other ways: by seeing people, going out for meals, socialising and partying over the Christmas season, jetting off to the sun, Christmas shopping or taking in a show or an exhibition. Most of this has been impossible or severely restricted. So, we have felt the weight of winter. 

It seems that we have felt the weight of winter on our shoulders to the extent that maybe we have not noticed the first signs of Spring at our feet.  We are all so exhausted with the physical and emotional demands of the last year that it is difficult to perceive the signs of hope, the light in the tunnel.        

The other day I came across a video clip on the BBC News website. It was from a frozen lake in Canada somewhere – the location was not specified. A man with a broad grin on his bearded face was joyfully dancing a Bhangra on the ice. Gurdeep Pandher had just received his first vaccine shot and was dancing to ‘share the positivity and joy he felt’.    

I have recently discovered a rare word from the 16th Century which is not in use anymore but should be at this present time. It is ‘respair’. It means ‘fresh hope and recovery from despair’. Now after long dark months of near despair at times, we are in a period of respair, a time of fresh hope and recovery. The man on the ice, therefore, was performing a dance of respair. Perhaps it is time for us to dance too, to dance in our hearts. To share the positivity and look to the coming months with fresh hope. 

Ave atque Vale – Hail and Farewell – until the next blog!

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Many thanks

Meditation 44

As I sit here beside my candle, watching the steady flame, I am thinking of Marcus Aurelius, the inspiration for this blog. It is wonderful that we are able to read his own ‘Meditations’, which he wrote over 1,800 years ago and in a paperback edition too which is readily available in bookstores or even as a kindle book!

Though they were written in Latin and I have therefore been dependent upon a translator, yet he seems to be very present to me as I read them, as if he is really speaking to me despite the centuries between us. How far the real Marcus is reflected in these pages or how far it is the Marcus he would like the reader to see, I, of course, will never know. But there is an honesty and a genuine humility in his writing that makes me think he is truly present in his words. For one thing, he never mentions his military successes, whereas, for instance, his imperial ancestor, Julius Caesar, wrote extensively and interminably about his in his ‘Gallic Wars’!

I dare to hope that something of my own self is reflected in my own meditations in this blog, that I am present to you the reader through my writing.

During the months of lockdown since March, we have been present to each other in many different ways, thanks to digital technology, and in ways that Marcus could not have dreamt of. I say ‘being present’ because in these dark days, it hasn’t just been a case of contacting friends and family and acquaintances, but it has also involved being present to them as a support and encouragement and to share anxieties which may have meant spending a little more time than usual with them on a call.

There have been so many ways through which we have been present to others, not just the phone or e mail but through texts and group chats, and visually through FaceTime, WhatsApp, Skype and of course the new medium of Zoom.

Video calls on whatever platform have enabled us to see who we are speaking to, which has been so important and a great comfort, as for several long months we weren’t allowed to meet friends or possibly even family because of movement restrictions. Looking at my emails, I think that texts and video calls are replacing the personal e mail to friends and acquaintances. I might be wrong about this – it may be that people just don’t want to write to me anymore!
FaceTime, WhatsApp and Zoom were new to me at the start of lockdown, but as someone who lives alone, they have been another lifeline for me (as well as calls, mails and texts) once I got used to them. In the early months, it was wonderful to be able to have a video call with my family, to see them as well as talk to them and of course my close friends too across the country and across the world.

However I must admit that I found triple conversations and a three way split screen difficult to handle on the small screen of an I phone! The smaller screen made me feel constricted. I am much more comfortable and relaxed with a Zoom call on the wider screen of a laptop. Maybe my big personality is more suited to a wider format! I would certainly have been at home in one of those wide screen epics of years gone by. Perhaps I could have played Marcus Aurelius (as Alec Guinness did in ‘The Fall of the Roman Empire’ and, less successfully, Richard Harris, in ‘Gladiator’).

I have had such a variety of Zoom calls in these recent months, a committee meeting or two, two lectures with the Dickens’ Fellowship (of which I am a member), a series of group meditations and one memorable evening when I spend two hours chatting with my dear friends David and Peter, while we drank our bottles of wine on our respective sofas in our homes across London from eachother. It was digital decadence! However, it does seem rather silly at times: talking to a laptop screen which then talks back to you! It’s like being in an old sci-fi movie without the dramatic and earnest conversations from screen to screen!

In a video call our friends or family are there but not there. They are present to us but not physically present. I must confess to being saddened sometimes when the video call was over, and in a way that I wouldn’t have been if it was an ordinary audio phone call. It is the fact that you can see family or friends (which is wonderful) but they are not really present with you in the room. So when the call is over and you wave and end the call, there can be a sense of loss, an emptiness. A video call can never replace being with that person or persons. Nevertheless, it has been a comfort, indeed a marvel, in these dark months we have been going through.

Another comfort to me has been the streaming of theatre productions online. These have been from the archive of the National Theatre, the Royal Opera and Royal Shakespeare Company. Over the last decade, these companies (and others under the National Theatre umbrella) have streamed live performances to cinemas and a selection of these performances have been streamed in lockdown on BBC I player and YouTube and are therefore quite recent. They have filled quite a few evenings for me and I have been able to catch up on productions I have missed. One advantage of these filmed performances is that the cameras enable you to see the actors close up, which may not be possible from where you are sitting in the theatre.

One of these productions was Shakespeare’s ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream’ in a performance from 2019 at the new Bridge Theatre, by Tower Bridge on the Thames. I must admit that having directed the play five times and seen as many if not more productions of this play, I felt a little jaded about it as it started. It turned out to be an exciting, very funny and spectacular immersive theatre experience. The Bridge Theatre is able to change its seating for whatever production and had taken out the stalls seats so audience could stand while the play took place on a series of platforms and also above their heads as there were actors on trapezes above them at times. (‘Oh to do something like this in my school drama studio,’ I thought to myself!) The rest of the audience were seated in the circle on three sides. As is customary at present, there was some gender swapping of roles: Oberon and Titania, King and Queen of the Fairies, swapped lines for instance which created some hilarious situations. But the production was highly detailed and the text was very clear so Shakespeare was well served by this energetic company. Most important of all, it had warmth and was life-affirming and was magical (as all successful productions of this play should be).

I have mentioned in a previous blog (when I discussed seeing Wagner’s Ring Cycle of 4 operas at the Opera House) that a successful theatre performance creates an invisible ring binding the performers and the audience. This production of Shakespeare’s ‘Dream’ created that invisible ring from its first moment until the riotous final curtain call. There were many moments when I too, sitting in my armchair at home, felt part of that ring too. The experience was all embracing. What an achievement for the director Nicholas Hytner and his actors.
But they were only moments. Because I was not physically present in the audience. I certainly wish I had been last summer. As the play was nearing its final act, I began to feel saddened in the midst of the joyous atmosphere of the show. For our theatres are closed and I am missing them. We do not know when they will re-opened or when an immersive production like ‘The Dream’ with actors moving, running and dancing through the audience will happen again.

Much has been touted about Zoom and other platforms being the way forward while coronavirus and the threat of it remains with us and beyond, when we are back to a kind of normal. There has been talk of digital lessons in schools, webinars and digital lectures in university and other educational institutions, digital conferencing etc. In certain situations this may be a way forward. But we must remember that nothing can replace the physical presence of a person. And we cannot let digital communication distance us from eachother and break the bond of our common humanity (which the production I have discussed so potently celebrated). We are social beings which means being physically present to eachother.

There are times on summer days when dark clouds appear and stay there in the sky. It seems as if the sun will never come out again. But it will and does. I am sure we have had those moments in these recent months, when we thought the dark clouds wouldn’t go. Well lockdown is beginning to ease and the sun is peeping through the clouds. We are able to move around more and see more of eachother. I have been able to visit my family in Leeds and friends in the London area too. I have been able to visit an ‘old friend’ the National Gallery (as another friend of mine puts it). But more about these in my next blog.

Ave atque Vale – Hail and Farewell – until the next blog!

If you are enjoying my blog, and have not already done so, please sign up below to receive notification of each new blog by e mail. Just add your e mail to ‘Follow’ as it pops up!
And please do pass on the blog address to others who may be interested.
A selection of previous meditations is also available in audio form as ‘Meditations of Neiulus Aurelius’ ASMR on YouTube.
I would also value any feedback on nzolad53@gmail.com or my Facebook page or Twitter.

Many thanks
Neilus Aurelius

It is quite a while since I sat here beside my candle to write a meditation. I have not had much time to be reflective as, like Marcus, I have been on a campaign and like him I have been in Pannonia for a while. Except I have not been leading a military campaign but a theatrical one and to modern day Pannonia, that is Hungary. The time has come around again for our annual school Drama tour to Budapest. Like Marcus, once again I watched the sun come up over the Buda hills, though not from a military tent (as he would have done) but from my hotel room a week or so ago.

The sun has come up, or rather, gone down on my final tour. It is hard to believe that it is thirty years since the first one in February 1990. As I sat in my hotel room the other morning and gazed through the window at the sun over the Buda hills, a dazzling disc in the clear early morning winter sky, many memories inevitably flooded in. Now that I am home again I am sure many more will stream into my consciousness and perhaps into this blog too.

But on that particular morning there was little time for nostalgic reverie. It was the morning of my final performances at the Kolibri Theatre and I had to be breakfasted and out of the hotel early with the technical crew so we had time to set up the production before the cast arrived. My final production there was ‘The Hunchback of Notre Dame’ and we were giving two performances: one at 2 in the afternoon and the other at 6 in the evening. I was too busy to be sad or nostalgic that day. But I did take lots of photos of backstage, the auditorium and the beautiful foyer. As the theatre is a children’s theatre, it is painted like a jungle with tigers, monkeys and exotic birds peeping out of the foliage. I had hoped to have a little time alone on the stage while everyone went to lunch but it didn’t happen.

Strangely it did last year, when we were performing ‘A Christmas Carol’. Somehow we had set up quickly and efficiently and when everyone else went to lunch, I did find myself sitting alone on stage in the stage lights looking out to the empty auditorium. There is an alert stillness about an empty theatre, especially when the stage is set and the performance will soon begin. There is an atmosphere of anticipation, an air of expectancy. As I sat there I felt the warmth of that lovely theatre seep into my bones. Memories flooded in more potently than in my hotel room just now. That is because the stage is where it’s at, not a hotel room. And so, as I sat there, it was then that I felt sad. And yes I did shed a tear because I knew that either then or a year later would be the end.

Prior to the tour, the 30th anniversary was celebrated at the school with a Gala Performance,which the Consul General of the Hungarian Embassy here in London and the Mayor of Kingston attending along with ex-Drama students who had been on the tours over the years and colleagues and ex-colleagues and friends too. Several friends, ex-students and colleagues attended the other two performances as well. So many people to see and so little time to talk to them all. The memories streamed in with them. A heartfelt thank you to all who came along!

I mentioned in one of my earlier blogs – it was in connection with ‘A Christmas Carol’ last year – that, as in Ancient Greek Drama, the director and actors’ aim is to create an invisible circle between the performers and the audience. Experiencing Wagner’s Ring Cycle of four operas at the Royal Opera House in autumn 2018 had reminded me of this. It is easier, of course, to create this circle in a small studio theatre than in a large auditorium like the opera house at Covent Garden. Nevertheless, it is a magical thing when it happens, like the magic ring at the centre of Wagner’s operas. I am pleased to say that it did happen, both in the school’s studio and the Kolibri Theatre.

During those performances at school and at the Kolibri, another circle appeared as if by magic as I watched the performances from the wings. For these were my final performances. My career as a teacher and director had come full circle. And all those students, the past ones in the audience and the present ones on stage, were part of that circle, that golden round, which extended to a country a thousand miles away. My heart was almost bursting with as much pride and excitement as when I watched our first ever performance in the school by Lake Balaton from the wings 30 years ago.

At the beginning of the second performance at the Kolibri Theatre, Janos Novak, the theatre’s director, made a presentation to me. It was a plaque: oblong in shape and of polished wood. It had a wooden marionette attached to it. There is a brass citation underneath in recognition of our 24 year creative friendship and officially making me an honorary member of the Kolibri Theatre Company. I do feel greatly honoured and very moved.

The marionette is very appropriate as because Kolibri is a children’s theatre, puppets are often used in performances, even for older children and young people. The puppet on the plaque is a Harlequin and is beautifully carved and painted in a delicate cream. The large diamonds of Harlequin’s costume are a contrasting peach in colour. He wears an orange hat and brown shoes. Harlequin is one of the oldest characters in European Theatre, first appearing as one of the stock characters in the Italian Commedia dell’arte plays, which began before Shakespeare’s time. So I am doubly honoured. Although I am too short and slightly too rotund to play the slim Harlequin!

The marionette is attached to the plaque by a piece of wire at the back of the head. Therefore the arms and legs are able to move. They clattered about in a plastic bag when I carried the plaque back to the hotel after leaving the theatre. Dear old Harlequin reminds me of how my life has been in semi-retirement. Like the puppet on the plaque, my hands and feet have been free to move but I have still been attached to the school through productions and the drama tour.

Now I am totally unattached. I am like Pinocchio: ‘I got no strings!’ But like Pinocchio when he first tries to walk without them I am a little wobbly on my legs. Losing his strings was a big deal for Pinocchio and it is for me. The fear of freedom threatens to blow me over. However, once I find my feet I am sure I shall be fine.

Like Pinocchio the marionette has a slender nose. His features are carefully painted onto his wooden face. Sometimes when I look at him, his mouth appears to be smiling, At other times he looks sad, as if he saying farewell. Perhaps he represents the theatre’s farewell. His eyes smile sometimes too, and at other times look wistful and sad. He appears to be a marionette with mixed emotions.

As have I.

Ave atque vale – Hail and Farewell! Till the next blog.

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Neilus Aurelius